You’re gonna be loved

You’re gonna be loved and
Have no reason not to love
Back how you’re loved good.

You’re gonna be loved and
Fall for yourself in how they
Love the love in you.

You’re gonna be loved and
Not want it harmed. Not even
By you.

You’re gonna be loved
Enough for you to prune
Away your thorns, break away
Your walls, calm away your storms,
Shave away your scorn and do away
With the pain that pierces today from
Your past.

You’re gonna be loved and love won’t
Feel like an everyday war with God.

You’re gonna be won.

A heart priced by heaven for
Choosing itself to love and fill
Before any other.

A mind that loved its own peace
So much peace became its power.

The power and love you gave you
Became the love ten times you
Attracted for yourself to enjoy
As sheer proof that doing you
Was a better play, a great
Choice and the winning
Move.

You will be loved and true
Love can’t wait to know the best
Parts that rose from the worst in
You.

You deserve it too. All because
You’re choosing you.

– Hakeem Anderson-Lesolang

What To Expect When Dating A Woman Who’s Been Single For A Long Time

by: Andrea Wesley

When you meet a woman who’s been single long-term and embark on a relationship together, there are some big differences you’ll notice from your past loves. For her, the transition from being completely independent to having someone around is a huge adjustment. She’s a harder nut to crack, so to speak, but once you figure her out, you’ll soon realize how absolutely worth it she is.

1. She’s used to alone time. She’s completely embraced the act of being alone and as such, she’s used to completing many life tasks and making attendances to gatherings solo. Having someone to do things with will be foreign at first, and she might opt to continue certain projects alone or hole up in her apartment to binge watch her favorite Netflix shows when you wish she was spending time with you instead. She needs a gradual transition into coupledom, so try to be patient.

2. She has protective walls in place. She’s been hurt before, which is likely the reason she’s spent a lot of time on her own. She’s more in tune with what she wants and needs in a partner, so she makes her selections carefully and keeps certain entrance points to her heart protected until she knows she can completely trust that your intentions are good and pure.

3. She wants to be vulnerable, but it takes a little more time. If she’s dating you, it’s because she really likes you. She’s probably crazier about you than you think, she just doesn’t show it as easily because she wants to be completely sure before she lets herself truly fall for you. She takes her time getting to know you before she rushes in full speed ahead because what she’s looking for is a long-lasting bond and she won’t sacrifice all the work she’s done on herself to achieve it.

4. She’s incredibly strong. She’s the definition of Miss Independent. She’s learned to be completely comfortable handling all of life’s challenges solo and because of this, she’s fiercely strong in a way that may make you wonder if she even wants you around. She does, which is why she’s dating you in the first place. This is also why she makes a great girlfriend, because she wants to date you despite having her life handled on her own.

5. You’ll wonder if she really likes you. She might not say overly flirty things in the beginning because she’s still figuring out in her head if it’s safe to do so. She’s no stranger to being let down and disappointed in relationships, so she really just needs a chance to sort it out in her head before she feels safe enough to let you in on how she’s feeling. If you’re patient and show that you can be trusted, you’ll feel more cared about than ever before, because when she actually shows her cards, she lays them down with her whole heart.

6. She’s scared. She’ll be apprehensive and at times she might even push back in fear of losing control of herself, since her control is her security. Keeping her emotions in check is the only thing she knows, so when she starts to feel real feelings, it catches her off guard and can make her feel like she needs to retreat temporarily to regain control of herself. It’s not personal, and she’ll come back.

7. She’s not used to having help, but eventually she’ll embrace it. If you try to offer her help and she declines, it might make you feel useless in her life. It isn’t intentional, she’s just used to doing everything and anything she needs to with her own two hands. Soon enough, though, you’ll be opening all her pickle jars and helping her with the heavy loads of groceries she carries expertly in one trip.

8. She doesn’t need you, she chose you. Above anything else, despite being completely OK on her own and content with handling all of life’s responsibilities solo, she’s chosen to invest her time and take a chance with you. It’s the purest form of affection and desire you could ever hope for, because the girl that’s been single for a long time doesn’t necessarily need a man in her life, but she’s chosen you anyway. She’s spent the time getting to know what she wants, and if you’re the one she’s picked, then congratulations — she’s a definite keeper.

– See more at: http://thebolde.com/what-to-expect-when-dating-a-woman-whos-been-single-for-a-long-time/#sthash.twIsDIG4.dpuf

Table for one, PLEASE

“Can I get a table outside, with a view?”
I just want to listen to my thoughts. I want to observe and introspect without looking in a glass mirror. I want to get away from the worldly noise. I want to watch the birds fly over the magnificent, vast ocean and see how simple life and its ecosystems transpire around me. I want to savour the quiet moments where I don’t have to think of the next project, who to connect with, what’s for supper or the next beauty appointment. I just want time alone, with me.
“I’ll have the three course meal and Earl Grey tea.”

table for 1
I wish to spoil myself, I deserve it. There are many things I can pat my back for, so I’m doing it over expensive cuisine. I shouldn’t wait for the next person to tell me to celebrate and live life. People are important but this moment of appreciation is just for me. I feel so calm, complete and happy.
Of course society won’t allow me to eat in peace. Her pathetic eyes are on me like a hawk and her pejorative murmurs louder than a construction site. What they see is someone with no love around or no family; a pretty picture that’s empty.
Ha! If only she knew! If she knew that my phone wouldn’t stop ringing with praise, if she knew how many invites I’ve had to reject, if she knew that I was tired of some fake smiles, if she knew how much chaos was all around, if only she knew. She would understand.
As my luck would have it, here comes a pompous Alpha, with his chest out and cologne clogging up my olfactory canal. In his head, he must be thinking that his presence will enhance my space rather than disrupt it. He tells me of my beauty, he asks if I’m expecting anyone. The shock, horror and sneaky sense of joy he gets when I tell him: “No.”
He invites himself to sit.
Didn’t he also come here alone? Doesn’t he want what I do? Does tranquillity mean anything to him? Does he know how much I have given up for this one moment?
I can’t have it ruined.
In a few hours, life and its constant whirlwind-like tendencies will take over. I have to decline because this beautiful occasion may not come again.
“I’m not lonely; I just want a table for one, please.”
Allow me.

I need to be alone

I don’t want to EVER miss being single.

I don’t want to have a bucket list that has to be compromised and incomplete.

I don’t want to feel regretful of my chosen partner.

I don’t want to run away or avoid him

I want to be ready, eager and willing to sacrifice, to compromise and be selfless.

I want to be free.

I was given an arrival date. I came on earth alone to fulfill my purpose.

I need to awaken things on my own. I need to know me completely.

How do I do that if I’m always reacting and rationalizing things according to this being who is always around me?

I need to be alone, to hear God speak.

I need to be a whole being before someone takes a little bit of me.

There is no such thing as “he completes me.”

I need to be strong and work through my strengths and weaknesses

I need to be scared to know courage.

I need to feel beautiful intrinsically.

I need to fully rely on my capabilities.

I know I have been made fearfully and wonderfully.

I know he’s out there waiting, wishing, dreaming and praying for me.

But right now I need to be alone, and do ME.

I’d rather have the right God than the wrong man

SINGLE AND NOT WAITING

Posted by  on Thursday, October 24, 2013 

 

Flickr photo by Acy Varlan

Flickr photo by Acy Varlan

I’m 23, I just graduated from university, and I’m single.

Many of my friends are married, and a few are starting to have children. And I feel as if I just graduated from high school again. You could say my life is in transition. And it’s true; I am in the middle of shifting myself from university to the career world. But I’ve started to wonder about whether it’s right to refer to my singleness as an in-between stage.

What exactly am I in-between again?

“It’s the first day of the rest of my life.” I recently I heard someone on TV say this about her wedding day, and it really bothered me. While I don’t want to discount the gift of marriage, I must say I’m a bit confused and frustrated with this sentiment. I’ve heard the cliché before, but I suddenly felt the weight of it. As if it equates marriage as the start of life, or at least the good part.

Don’t misunderstand my frustration; I think there is a beautiful element of starting a new family with your spouse. I’m all for godly marriage. But what I’m afraid of is viewing life through the lens of marriage as the goal. For waiting to get married before life starts.

I’m afraid, because I’m afraid it has happened to me. I’ve been living like I’m waiting for someone to get here. And it isn’t Jesus.

I’ve wasted my time, my energy, and my emotions on this concept that singleness is just a waiting room for a relationship. I’m tired of this view that my life begins when I wake up next to my husband, because I’m pretty sure my life began 23 years ago when my mom gave birth. And this mentality has robbed my joy.

As much as I’d like to place all the blame on Christian culture, the perpetual “Have you met anyone yet?” question the world asks me, and the reality that my Facebook feed looks more like a Pinterest wedding board these days, I am convicted of my own failures.

I’ve been living like God owes me something. Like he hasn’t held up his end of the deal. He has given me the desire for relationship and marriage, and he just hasn’t followed through.

I’ve been living under the impression that I deserve a relationship.

I’d be lying if I said Christian culture does much to inhibit this mentality. There seems to be a deep understanding and appreciation for the gift of marriage, but not so much for the gift of singleness (if it’s treated like a gift at all). Rather, singleness is something to be cured. Like I’ve got a disease, and introducing me to your single friend might perhaps cure us both. Singleness is the lump of coal, the gift that is never on your Christmas list.

There are at least a handful of us standing around, wondering what happened. (After all, I have been pretty nice this year.)

But it’s never been about being entitled, or even about being nice. I have to stop thinking that I’m doing something wrong here.

Well actually I am, but it isn’t about fixing something that will magically make a boyfriend appear. It is about changing the direction of my heart.

 “I’d rather have the right God than the wrong man.” –- Christen Rapske

People talk all the time about pursuing people or things for the wrong reasons, but maybe we pursue God for the wrong reasons. Maybe subconsciously I’ve been treating God like he’s a vending machine. And my pursuit of him has really been a pursuit of someone else.

When did Christ cease to be enough?

And when did I stop finding my identity, self-worth, and fulfillment in Him, only to place my life on hold for someone I’ve never even met?

Each day is a gift, and I’m not waiting for it to get here. It is present in every moment, and it begins anew daily.  Man-less or not, I want to wake up every morning and be excited because I get to spend my day with the God who created the universe.

And I want to do that for the rest of my life.