Know your Worth with Judge Nolwazi Boqwana

If there is anyone who gives meaning to the context of dynamite coming in small packages it is Judge of the Western Cape High Court -Nolwazi Boqwana.

nolwazi

A group of ladies in high heels, colourful dresses and matching fascinators came together at a bespoke guest house to hear the wise words of Her Honour.

At first glance, one might think of her as dainty and soft, but wait until she stands on a pulpit.

The title of her message was “Know Your Worth”. A powerful delivery of how we can be sure of our identity if we learn what it means to be created in the image of God. This suggestion immediately established a sense of worth in the crowd.

“When you know, who are and who you are not, it informs your decision-making process,” she iterated. A dawning and defining moment for many of us.

The Lion King was her frame of reference. Remember the animated adventures of the young lion Simba, the heir of his father, Mufasa? The story is about Simba’s wicked uncle (the enemy), Scar, who plots to usurp Mufasa’s throne by luring father and son into a stampede of wildebeests. But Simba escapes, and only Mufasa is killed.

While the uncle rules with an iron paw, the prince grows up beyond the Savannah with his friends Timon and Pumbaa, aimlessly living by a philosophy: No worries for the rest of your days.

The plot twist occurs when his long last friend, Nala, comes to visit him to inform him of the squander of his kingdom. The young Prince must decide his fate: will he remain an outcast, or face his demons (Scar)  and become the King he was called to be?

Based on this example, Judge Boqwana encouraged the crowd to dust off old dreams and ideas that they may have long forgotten. She encouraged us to stand firm for what is right, as this commands respect. She told us to dominate and tread fearlessly in every area of our lives.

Our callings are not linked to our success and promotion only; many people are reliant on them and will be impacted by them only if we to respond to the call.

The one quote of hers that I took away and have being pondering on is: “Consciousness informs behaviour.”

Everything you do, every decision you take and treatment you accept is  based on how you view yourself. The power of carrying this out comes from knowing your worth.

#KnowYourWorth

#TalithaKoum

#Womandla

Olivia Poping

SCANDAL - "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" - After discovering the truth behind defiance, Fitz is still struggling to figure out whom he can actually trust. Meanwhile Olivia is trying to move on with her life, and she meets a handsome stranger, Jake Weston (Scott Foley), who sparks her interest. But when Fitz and Olivia are forced to be in the same room again, real sparks fly and things get heated. Back at Pope & Associates, the team handles a new case, and for the first time they're working with David Rosen instead of against him, on ABC's "Scandal," THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 14 (10:02-11:00 p.m., ET) on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/DANNY FELD) KERRY WASHINGTON ORG XMIT: 151906662 [Via MerlinFTP Drop]

This one is going to be different. I can promise you that. But I can also promise that you won’t ever be uninspired or bored – this is the girl who will change you, she won’t ever take your rubbish, and you’ll be a better man because of it.

She comes across as a paradoxical mix of outgoing but introverted, very social but seldomly out. When you’re so used to not needing anyone, you know exactly who you are, and she’ll never fake anything because of it. This makes maintaining relationships a constant struggle for her. She’ll connect with many, and they’ll quickly feel comfortable with her, but it takes her a while to feel fully comfortable, so she can only take being around others incrementally.

This might frustrate you. There seem to be so many walls to break down. Just when you start to feel like you’re figuring her out – you find another piece to the puzzle that throws everything off. Be patient. She’s this tough because she had to be. Something happened that taught her to never need anyone. But none of this will spill out easily. She’s extremely uncomfortable with other people seeing her vulnerable or in pain. Her emotions and pain are hers, and this is what she’s used to.

She’ll tell herself she doesn’t need you. She’ll make situations worse by trying to suppress her feelings about them. When you fall for the girl who’s used to not needing anyone, believe that she has more feelings and layers than she knows what to do with. Her instinct will be to try to compose herself. When she does open up to you, it’s everything. Being emotionally naked with someone is how she expresses her love.

She’ll know exactly who she is and what she wants. When you’re used to not needing anyone, you do what you want, when you want, and without asking permission or informing anyone. She loves this part of her identity, but she secretly wants you to confront her. She’s hoping that sometimes, you’ll put your foot down, and challenge her stubborn ways.

She’s strong, maybe even too strong for you at first. Don’t let this fool you. This is her outer shell. Her armour. She is so used to taking care of herself that it’s going to be hard for her to let someone else in. It took a lot of work to get to where she is: Independent and  happy on her own.

I can promise you it won’t be easy, she’ll hang on to her walls for as long as she can. She will be enigmatic. She will always want things her way, and she’ll fight you when she doesn’t get it.

She’ll even try to push you away. This is how she protects herself.

But when you really get to know her, she’ll be the girl who will change your life. Don’t always give in to her, but be patient with her. She’s strong, but she’s also scared – scared of love, scared of needing someone, and definitely scared of you.

Because even if she says she doesn’t need you, at her core she is just a girl who has more love than she knows what to do with.

– See more at: http://www.annabash.com/new-blog/dontneed#sthash.jEMMqGVL.dpuf

He’s a cheap date!

I used to often laugh when my Pastor spoke about stingy men. He called them “AmaSkorokoro” in jest, advising us to run for our lives when we see snippets of scrooge-like tendencies. The premise was never focused on gold digging, but merely to teach us all how ladies should be treated and how crafty some men can be.

A lifetime ago some bloke tried “cute” things I considered paltry. I’d mention a residential area that I liked, he’d say he would want to RETIRE there, I’d talk about a career move and he’d brag about an offer he ONCE received. I bought myself two pairs of shoes- on sale- (one for an event and one for…. life) and he said the women he married would have no say in his finances.

I was deeply perplexed because this conversation was about my everyday life and preferences, yet he took it personally, as if I’d asked for his permission or help in ANY of these things.

Ebendibona mos ku Instagram? Endibona naku LinkedIN? (He saw my posts on LinkedIn and Instagram)

HELLO. HASHTAG. LEVELS!

“Friends, if you are in the standard grade class- stay and excel there. Leave HIGHER GRADE things to the boffins.”- Samkelwe Gqomo 2016

I didn’t want anything of his, I was just sharing. Also, he should’ve noticed my lifestyle and done the math. He was obviously looking for love in the wrong place.

Love is not based on someone’s beauty. Love is not about wearing the other person down. Love is not reducing someone’s standard. Love is not so selfish or limiting. Yes, love is not about money,  but it is CERTAINLY not asking if the bread offered at a restaurant is FREE either.

Boy BYE!

cheap-man

Ayikho into egqitha ikhaya lakho (There’s no place like home)

home-sweet-home

Do you know that paradoxical feeling of being full and empty at the same time? Maybe not.

I just came back from a long, overdue trip home. The weekend seemed quick as lightening,  a reflection of the speed of which this year has gone by.

I feel full in my spirit, because of:

  • The picturesque drives along the sea
  • Pop-ins at my former work and seeing my ex-colleagues (now friends)
  • My dad’s bear hugs
  • Mom’s chocolate breakfasts
  • Granny’s magwinyas
  • Ivumba le heater ye paraffin at their place
  • Brunches and lunches with my sister and besties
  • Kisses, hugs and prayers from my old church people
  • Love

Time is so valuable. People are so precious. I value every moment spent with those who route for me, support me and want nothing but the best for me. I draw strength from them.

My vernac expressions just prove how strong the longing was, how far the distance seemed, a kind of reawakening of what matters most!

I’m back  in Cape Town feeling empty, because I miss it all again.

You’re gonna be loved

You’re gonna be loved and
Have no reason not to love
Back how you’re loved good.

You’re gonna be loved and
Fall for yourself in how they
Love the love in you.

You’re gonna be loved and
Not want it harmed. Not even
By you.

You’re gonna be loved
Enough for you to prune
Away your thorns, break away
Your walls, calm away your storms,
Shave away your scorn and do away
With the pain that pierces today from
Your past.

You’re gonna be loved and love won’t
Feel like an everyday war with God.

You’re gonna be won.

A heart priced by heaven for
Choosing itself to love and fill
Before any other.

A mind that loved its own peace
So much peace became its power.

The power and love you gave you
Became the love ten times you
Attracted for yourself to enjoy
As sheer proof that doing you
Was a better play, a great
Choice and the winning
Move.

You will be loved and true
Love can’t wait to know the best
Parts that rose from the worst in
You.

You deserve it too. All because
You’re choosing you.

– Hakeem Anderson-Lesolang

He knows me

holy-cross

He knows me. Intimately.  In the correct sense of the word.

Deeply.

He knows the number of hairs on my head.

He knows the hairs left on my comb.

That’s how closely He watches over me.

He knows my scent. He distinguishes me from the rest.

Oh how He loves me!

He called me. He knew precisely what to dial. I answered Him.

He told me I was royal, He said He chose me, He called me peculiar.

I cried.

For a while now, I’ve been looking for Perfect Love. Only in Him have I found it.

He embodies it. He is it.

I feel so secure and accepted in my strangeness.

His love has casted out all my fears.

He is all that matters.

He knows me because He made me.

Fearfully and wonderfully.

He carefully knitted my DNA helix. He painstakingly arranged my chromosomes.

He used Himself as a prototype.

Then He planted me in my mother’s womb.

I am not alone. He is here with me. He walks with me.

He will never leave me nor forsake me.

He cares deeply for me. He knows everything about me.

That dream, that desire, that feeling, that habit, that secret, that thought, that person, that list and that plan…

He knows.

Work, Get, Build

I read the book Eat, Pray, Love and it changed my life for the best. I completely followed Liz’s advice in principle…. well until a certain point. Weaning off a bond that looked good on paper was one of the toughest things I had to go through.

The courage that it takes to leave the life that you have planned for the life predestined for you is insurmountable.

I don’t know what kind of budget Liz had to travel the world but I’m still trusting God for it. My journey wasn’t as physical as hers, but I certainly went on a hundred in terms of the spiritual plane.

At the time when I read the book, I believed it was God speaking to me. It was the only way that He could because I only picked up the bible on a Sunday.

Fast forward to a wonderful, budding relationship with Him, I realised I needed wise words that came directly from Him, from His heart and mind about being a single woman.

Through meditation, He gave me three steps in Proverbs 24:27

  1. Finish your outdoor work
  2. Get your fields ready
  3. [after that] Build your house

There is a divine order to be followed. Many of us tend to skip the first two steps and rearrange the order. We do this because of our own desires, to fill certain voids or to speed through and get stuff to prove that we are “successful.”

According to the list, the first step that I am meant to do is to help others that are outside of my confines. It’s easy to do favours for people you love, but God has commanded us to feed the poor, spread the gospel and show genuine love to people. This means I have to help out at NGO’s, care for the environment and community at large. This is what God expects from all His children, for us to serve.

Secondly, I need to prepare my fields and make sure that they are ready. See, I am not a farmer so this step must allude to savings plans, investing, starting a business, growing relationships and networks etc. as this is what fields mean metaphorically in the word. I need to start investigating trust funds, comparing insurances, evaluating property markets and essentially create good ground for the next and final stage.

“After that” are words purposefully used to show that a lot of work goes into building a home before being completely financially and emotionally ready.

God wants me to be co-dependant, independent and interdependent. As single (and sometimes desperate) ladies we rush for the husband, children and white picket fence ideal as if we will never get there. We base our whole lives on the third step.

Through this, I have learned that He wants me to have compassion for others first, he wants me to lack nothing so that I can sow back in His kingdom and he wants me to be happy and have the life I deserve. He wants that for all of us.

But first things must come first and I am taking on the challenge with the end goal in mind. Who knows, while I am serving, or doing business and following God’s divine order, I may meet the person who I am to build a home with.

This ticks all the boxes on God’s list and gives me hope that I too get a sweet end to the stick.

Winning!

The 11th hour- God is never late

God goes before us every step of the way. Half of the time we spend doubting and being anxious is all for nothing because everything always works out in the end.

God is never late.

We always want to rush to the end and completely forget about the journey that leads us there. Imagine a book that reads.. “Once upon a time, the end.” How well would this book sell? How interesting is a life built of short sentences with no plots, storylines or anticlimaxes? How would you encourage others who will follow your footsteps or look up to you if everything seemed perfect? You would be empty. No substance therefore no influence.

I experienced this lesson, at the end of 2014, after a year of unhappiness and turmoil. In my mind things should have been a lot different because I have always done things right, asking very little of anyone and achieved everything in record time.

See, I am pedantic by nature. I love knowing things in advance and planning accordingly. I do this when shopping. I plan where I will park. I map out the mall in my head. I expect things to run smoothly especially because my plan B has a plan B.

I WILL spam your inbox and call register, just to make sure we’re still on track with plans. It works well for my career but not so much for relationships and life in general.

To be honest it’s tedious, but it’s ME.

After my big life plan bombed out on me, I was left in the same place as the previous year. I was very despondent to everything. I dragged my feet, I woke up late, I had resigned from things internally for a while.

If it wasn’t for people around me who often reaffirmed things that I had in my heart, told me about my potential and seeking God truly, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

My life took a big turn of events after months of trying and it was like a surge of energy rushed through my body and reawakened me. Everything that was of the best happened in 2 weeks. I knew God had everything to do with it, because all my pre-planning would have had loop holes and missing links.

But I had hope. I prayed fervently and continuously. I spoke and invited great things and most importantly, I believed.

Ephesians 3: 20 says “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask, think or imagine, according to the power that works within us be all glory.”

This morning, I said, I was in love with my life again and I have God to thank.

To me it seemed like He came through for me on the 11th hour, but to Him it was just on time. His plan made more sense and was less strenuous.

Trust the process, He is the author of time and master strategist. I am expectant of more and excited to accelerate!

The Chokin Kind (of love)-Joss Stone

I was recently described as anti-relationships. I’m not offended at all. I am anti premature anything really. I went on a Twitter rampage supporting my psychological reasons of why I believe as young women we should be alone in our 20s. My main reason being that most guys around the same age group are not ready for commitment and that you will hate the beauty that is love because of a transitory “desire” therefore misconception.
Shortly after I listened to this hidden gem of Joss Stone, I knew I was on the right lane. It was also after a string of tweets of heartbreak on my timeline that I suppose, supported my sweeping statements.
Age and experience are not only viable for job vacancies ladies but are criteria we should consider before we stir up love too.
Some advice for maturity, first decide who you want to be before wanting to belong to someone else. I’d hate for you to find out later that your purpose was not realized because you felt too alone at a juvenile stage of your life.
Leverage your youthful years. You will have many years later to share with somebody else. Make friends. At least have some hope.