Ayikho into egqitha ikhaya lakho (There’s no place like home)

home-sweet-home

Do you know that paradoxical feeling of being full and empty at the same time? Maybe not.

I just came back from a long, overdue trip home. The weekend seemed quick as lightening,  a reflection of the speed of which this year has gone by.

I feel full in my spirit, because of:

  • The picturesque drives along the sea
  • Pop-ins at my former work and seeing my ex-colleagues (now friends)
  • My dad’s bear hugs
  • Mom’s chocolate breakfasts
  • Granny’s magwinyas
  • Ivumba le heater ye paraffin at their place
  • Brunches and lunches with my sister and besties
  • Kisses, hugs and prayers from my old church people
  • Love

Time is so valuable. People are so precious. I value every moment spent with those who route for me, support me and want nothing but the best for me. I draw strength from them.

My vernac expressions just prove how strong the longing was, how far the distance seemed, a kind of reawakening of what matters most!

I’m back  in Cape Town feeling empty, because I miss it all again.

Dancing like everybody’s watching

I have decided to let go of the shackles of society.

I’ve been reminded of who I always wanted to be. I’ve found me and all that defines me. This started with conversations with my inner being.

I transcended from my body and found the true meaning of living. My passion for earthly things has  been ebbing away. My dissatisfaction of fading into the background has been chewing at me. I realised what it meant to be truly happy.

I have a light that streams from generations and I have been covering it because of distractions and hesitations.

No one knows the pain of dysfunction as a norm, manipulated in conversation, used as a pawn. Survival instincts, working hard from a young age, equipping your mind to be a pilgrimage.

From ashes  to gold is a  story untold of a girl destined for greatness. I claim my youth again,attain a rebirth, some sort of spiritual renaissance. With this renewed confidence I dance on tables like everybody’s watching. My body will say things, my movements will change beings and I will provoke thoughts and speak to the nations.

I will rebel against fossilized paradigms, photocopied ideas and binaries. I look to the heavens from whence cometh my help,I see the clear sky as a canvas, alive with creativity and new possibilities.

The arduous conflict between OPPORTUNITIES and CAREER

Image

I’m at a crossroads.

As a young fledgling, with one foot still in varsity and the other in industry, there’s no doubt about the career path I have chosen.

I see myself growing in almost all disciplines that it has to offer as I can’t seem to select one that I particularly favour or one I would want to do for the rest of my life.

So I sit here and wait for the not so obvious things, like world peace and the world to change, and wonder what to do with my mundane yet full of potential life.

Coming from a family of professional students, there is still a yearning to study further and continue this predictive path of preluded success.

Success, such a loaded word.

I wonder if this word includes happiness, growth, and peace in it or is it truly JUST the money, acclaim, fame and loneliness that everyone so charmingly packages.

I want to make my family proud, earn a reasonably decent paycheck, and climb a corporate ladder that will hopefully cushion my fear of heights. I also want to cruise in a beautiful depreciating asset and salivate over ridiculously expensive shoes, buy garish and gaudy garments that make me look like I’ve made it.

I’m attracted to the idea of opulence.

I look at my vision board that scorns the aforementioned dreams and substitutes my qualifications with facilitating women, wanderlust, retail and music. This board seemingly resembles the lives of the Real Housewives. Well sort of.

I am waiting for a sign.

I might just be afforded an opportunity to disconcert the dawn of my career and mission into a vacuum; be sucked in by the vast world and its forgotten secrets and pleasures.

How exciting!

I don’t know if I would be fulfilled though. Should I take the risk of being a dissident and do the unthinkable? What if my career catches up with me and results in me finding my purpose? What if it never does?

A qualified nomad is not what my mother sweated for.

Doesn’t it all work out in the end?

Sigh.

I need a life compass.

Happy Birthday to me

Happy Birthday to me

Copious amounts of appreciation to you all! I am having an awesome birthday. Just knowing that I mean something to atleast someone is half the battle won! Your words and gestures are too kind and I pray God’s blessings upon you! Y’all are amazing, I want to have your babies! Jokes.

Stay Beautiful.