I haven’t been here in what seems like a while. I’m not quiet because I have writers block or anything. I’m not trying to be irrelevant either, its just that at times, I don’t want to think. I don’t want to feel or express. I just want to be numb and neutral.
I often refer to this state of being as being moodless.
It’s not a good feeling, it’s actually a sign of weakness, WEAKNESS in my spirit.
I want to be mad at someone or something. I want to pull my bought hair out. I think I am angry.
Angry at God.
There is violence in my head. The sadistic part of me finds comfort in this.
I can’t deal with the bad dreams, the tears on my pillow, the disapointment in my plastered up heart.
I will pray. Pray for peace. Peace from within.
This is not of God. But one thing I will be, is honest.
I will visit here again. I will say something. I might just change your life.