I know the talks of weight and body image never escape me, but you’ll have to forgive me, I went to a Girls’ school for 14 years (2 years in pre-primary) I didn’t fail lol. I have one older sister who’s always been annoyingly beautiful and just a lady who looks well after herself.
I knew I was the “ugly duckling”. Cute, friendly and a lil ruffian. I played with cars. Had a mountain bike by age 10 and basically took part in all sports to alleviate my energy levels (and probably escape a prescription for Ritalin)
Like many girls, I was a tomboy, also bigger and taller than my sister. Often I was asked if I was the eldest because of this (it didn’t help that my sister had a puny frame). We grew and I continued with sport (always in the A-team lol) so you can imagine my fitness level and muscled physique. This sounds like a dream today because I never took time to appreciate it. I always thought of it as FAT! How I so wish I can turn back the hands of time. Just to appreciate.
I can’t ever remember telling myself that I’m thin and as a result, my life was always based on a diet. I didn’t mouth that word but my mom could see that there are foods I’m suddenly avoiding and so on. This concerned her as I, at one point, avoided everything! All I wanted to eat was popcorn and drink water. (All Girls’ Schools know about this) I lost soo much weight! You’d think I was happy. But no I tried to lose more and more. I looked sickly and even my dad got worried. People won’t remember this part of my life because I wasn’t anorexic physically (because my body just wouldn’t allow) but I know in my mind I was. I don’t know how I continued with sport. Where the hell did I get the energy from? But God saw me through.
In my Matric Year, I quit sport due to injury. My prognosis is that I sustained these injuries because of my lack of nutrition in my growing adolescent phase. Who knows? But one thing that plagued my mind was that I’m gonna get fat “again”.
First year of Varsity, I joined netball again. I lost a considerable amount of weight again.
I lasted 5 months. I had a fall and tore my knee ligament that would mean I stopped all sport COMPLETELY.
So my mind tells me, You’re gonna get fat. AGAIN. This did happen. I blame my knee till this day but I also got into a comfort zone. My mind was on other things, which I won’t mention, and I forgot about weight. Until I took a photo with friends whom I hadn’t seen in a while. Some had lost weight since High school, some had gained, some maintained but as for me? I BALLOONED UP!
(I forgot to mention that I’m a tad bit melodramatic but I’m sure you’ve noticed already)
I wanted to take control of my life again. I actually didn’t have a life. I was consumed in bubble (excuse the pun).
It was this year (2012) that I felt that a lot of changes must be done. I had to reprogram my heart, soul and body to achieve what I wanted. I had to let go of influences that deviated me from the goals I had set for myself. I had to be selfish and live a little because once I accept myself, I can be secure and loving and open to different things. At the beginning of this year, I was a size 30-fat! I can’t even disclose or acknowledge the numbers on my clothing labels, the scale or monies paid for the disgusting food I ate. I had to have this attitude towards them or else I’d be comfortable but grumpy and unhappy.
I now had more time on my podgy hands, so I tried to use it wisely. I am still in the process of achieving my goal weight. 3 kilograms to go and it feels like I’m climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. (My fat drawn out in a thread could possibly be the circumference of the mountain lol)
I’m feeling so good. (Suffering from Shin Splints, but I’m feeling good)
I’m listening to songs that make me feel important, I’m stabilising my relationship with God. I’m reading! Lol things I haven’t done in years! I’m feeling empowered. Doing gym. I’m going back to the middle.
Now I can proudly say I’m a size thirty-Fab. I still have issues with numbers lol, I’m no demi-god. I feel confident, getting attention from interesting people, (pity I’m not interested) and I’m busy working at me. I’m done being everything to everyone.
I want to complete this blog in 1000 words, ‘cause I would hate to bore you…
But I’ll conclude by saying, “If you’re not helping to make it right, stop complaining about it being wrong.”
Everyone is SICK of hearing the same thing. It’s sad for you that you fill your heart with such disdain. You’re alive, you’re healthy, YOU ARE WORTHY. Be beautiful. (Speaking to myself here)
So if it’s a job, a relationship, image, weight, your job or the lack thereof, your family, education, friends or your spirit, come to a place of utter discomfort. Yes you heard me. Discomfort. Let it irritate you to the point of jumping up and doing something about it. Don’t lose hope. Be Patient.
Faith without works(action) is dead -James 2 v 26
Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS and again I say REJOICE!